This is a public service announcement from the heart of the slight outskirts of foggy Leicester's city centre, next to the rugby stadium and the gynaecologist, more of a public cervix announcement then.
I realised today that it is the 16th of December (advent calendar sent by mother, not in any way evidence that I am aware of the passage of time) and therefore 'tis nearly that most joyous of days; Boxing Day. Everybody loves Boxing Day only because it doesn't matter nor does it mean anything whatsoever. Being a student, I regularly employ the use of the magical wikipedia to aid my research and it was whilst flicking through loosely associated subjects on said magical pedia (loosely i.e. Bronte to Book to Paper to Ancient Aztec Culture) that I thought the thought that we all think, "what is Boxing Day?" or more specifically "why is Boxing Day?". After the merry sound of clicking keys, I found out the piece of information that has for some sick and sadistic reason made me fairly happy; Boxing Day has its origins in "the tradition of giving gifts to the less fortunate members of society". Fantastic, I'm actually looking forward to working in a soup kitchen on the 26th, just like we all do, it IS tradition after all, I'm going to walk a guide dog, paint some senile old biddy's living room in psychedelic colours for her and eventually (around about tea time, I'm guessing) have solved the financial, environmental and emotional crises in which we now find ourselves. I WILL NOT, I repeat unnecessarily for emphasis, WILL NOT spend the day drinking Tesco's own scotch pigging out on Jaffa Cakes and screaming abuse at my 8 year old sister, who would do that? Who in their own right mind, after having pigged out just the day before, would pig out again? No-one, that's who, only sick and twisted freaks with no regard for anyone but themselves, nobody in this society where we appreciate the true meaning and relevance of the 26th of December could possibly justify being this selfish.
As a small post script may I direct your attention to said wikipedia page where you can easily educate yourself more about Boxing Day, it's origins, why they don't have it in the States (it originates in charity, duh) and a funny song called the Cutty Wren where the word "penis" I think mean "pennies" but is funnier left as penis because there is nothing more funny than a penis. We all agree? Fantastic. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boxing_Day